It’s fast.
It’s embodied.
It feels true before we’ve had time to think.
Chemistry doesn’t feel abstract, it feels personal. Which is why so many people trust it without question.
In the Gloves Off After Dark episode “Chemistry and the Illusion of Connection,” which aired February 1, 2026, I sat down with Joshua T. Berglan to explore how easily chemistry gets mistaken for connection and how often the nervous system fills in meaning that hasn’t actually been established.
🎧 Watch the full episode:
What Chemistry Is and What It Isn’t
Chemistry is a physiological response, not a conclusion.
Chemistry often signals:
- Nervous system activation
- Familiar emotional patterns
- Anticipation mixed with uncertainty
- Recognition without context
The body reacts first and the story comes later.
That gap between sensation and interpretation is where people get misled.
Activation vs. Safety: Where Confusion Happens
One of the central threads of this conversation was the difference between feeling activated and feeling safe. They can feel similar especially to people who are used to intensity.
Activation often shows up as:
- Butterflies
- Urgency
- Preoccupation
- Emotional charge
Safety tends to feel quieter:
- Ease
- Groundedness
- Less mental noise
- Emotional steadiness
Because safety doesn’t spike the nervous system, it’s often misread as boredom or dismissed entirely. I have fallen for this trap more times than I care to admit.
Why Chemistry Is So Easy to Over-Interpret
Chemistry bypasses logic and gives you physical symptoms that are hard to ignore.
Chemistry doesn’t ask:
- Is this healthy?
- Is this mutual?
- Is this grounded?
It asks:
- Is this familiar?
- Is this stimulating?
- Is this unresolved?
As Josh and I discussed, even self-aware, reflective people get caught here because these sensations feel like certainty.
When Chemistry Turns Into an Illusion
Chemistry becomes misleading when it’s turned into evidence.
Evidence of:
- Depth
- Intimacy
- Availability
- Meaning
Without behavior, consistency, or context, chemistry invites projection. The nervous system fills in blanks long before reality does and that’s where illusion forms.
Better Questions Than “Do I Feel Chemistry?”
This conversation wasn’t about suppressing attraction, it was about discernment.
More useful questions are:
- Do I feel regulated or dysregulated after interacting?
- Do I feel clearer—or more confused?
- Does my body feel settled, or braced?
- Am I more myself—or less?
These are nervous-system questions, not romantic ones. And they tend to reveal far more than chemistry ever does.
A Real Conversation, Tangents Included
This episode wasn’t a framework or a checklist.
It was a real conversation with tangents, nuance, and unfinished edges.
We talked about:
- Why chemistry feels so convincing
- How easily connection gets assumed
- Why awareness doesn’t automatically equal immunity
Illusion is common and it It just means we’re human.
Watch the Episode
🎥 Gloves Off After Dark
Episode: Chemistry and the Illusion of Connection
📅 Aired February 1, 2026
📍 Watch on YouTube or LinkedIn
👉 https://www.youtube.com/live/7GLkv-aMXEk?si=G3L9CPUhxPZ-C-em
Learn more about Joshua T. Berglan here:
🔗 https://www.joshuatberglan.com/
About Dr. Kalpana Sundar
Dr. Kalpana Sundar is a surgeon, entrepreneur, and creator of the Life by Design framework,an approach that explores how nervous system regulation, identity, vitality, wealth, and impact shape the way people live and relate.
Through her podcasts, media platforms, and live conversations including Gloves Off and Gloves Off After Dark, she hosts unfiltered discussions about power, connection, and self-trust, especially where high-functioning people override their own internal signals.
